Bradwr

At my Welsh school, my female teachers had always tried to secretly teach me stuff. One of them took us out for the day to all the main hotspots where the witches were murdered in North Wales. These weren’t lessons you could find in the history books. Just local historical knowledge passed down from Welshwoman to Welshwoman.

I remember staring into the swirling river, the pure clean water almost black because of how deep and cold it was, where the witches were drowned. Another time, with a pained look in her face, a teacher told us about the Inquisition, and that fake needles were used that would retract, so the interrogator could show the public the woman didn’t bleed– as proof she was a witch. Lots of malicious “tricks” had been used to convict women, and to convince the public of the justifications for killing them.

Because the Welsh were colonized, there was a second reason to get rid of the women. Gwenllian, our last princess, was locked in a nunnery for life so that she could never have children. A largely ridiculed and seemingly minor event today, but you can see that the genocide of the Welsh and the efforts to extinguish us and our line was very real. Nowadays, the Welsh are nothing much more than a joke. No threat at all. I decided I would never have a child with an Englishman, but I knew the dangers of inbreeding.

I had forgotten that some little girls are born to be sprites and woodland spirits. We’re  not all supposed to grow up to be mothers. There are no sprites left in the forests and mountains of Wales now. They’ve all been turned into mothers. If domesticating fairies and turning them into mothers is not the worst crime, then I don’t know what is.

I knew that Welsh men felt the pain at the damage that was being done to our  beautiful country, but I could also see they didn’t feel it enough to reinstate female status and power. Our boys were proud to shed their smelly farming clothes and put on a suit to hob nob with the English in the shiny new council and government buildings. “Bradwr” we would whisper.

Traitor.

It translates poorly.

It is more powerful than the English word cunt.

And now I’m a bradwr because I left Wales for good.

I visit sometimes, but I see that the countryside has been destroyed beyond all repair. Most Welsh people don’t yet realize that the Welsh Wales they know only exists in their heads. I couldn’t stay to see its demise.

But never, not until I read Mary Daly, did I realize that it was men, and patriarchy at large, that had been specifically killing women. I mean I knew the witches were women, and on some deep level I felt the evil of the men, but I had to intellectualize it to really understand. I had to be educated that this was patriarchy.

And then the mental asylums started popping up all around Wales a few centuries ago. Because of the rural nature of Wales, these places were isolated houses of horror.

My mother worked here.

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This is the same mother who just last year, sneered at me because I’m a feminist, and who assured me that men have it worse. I have no idea what kind of gynocidal acts she was complicit in. She had picked her side and now has to stand by her belief that females are evil to the bitter end. That’s what being an “independent woman” got her.

Growing up in a predominantly white rural area in Wales I always had a feeling of absolute terror and dread in my daily life. It was of course my own family’s treatment of me, being the only girl in a family of 5 kids, but it was much more than that. The terror was everywhere; it was in the air.

I was there on the day the men came to steal my cousin. Bless my paternal grandmother for harboring my aunt, who was hiding from them with her child, knowing dangerous men were on their way. We were all in the farmhouse,  my grandma, aunt, cousin and I when they banged down the door . I was about 6, she was 3. My grandma kept screaming as they ran through the house, found my cousin and carted her away into the night. Making a regal and composed woman like my grandmother scream like a banshee. My aunt was promptly locked up in a mental asylum and didn’t get to see her daughter grow up. She was eventually released.

When this cousin turned 16 her father and his girlfriend threw her out. She found her mother, who was living independently far away from Wales, near Liverpool. They still live together now. Happy, the last time I saw them.

The breadth and width and depth of the terror, and the horror, runs in my veins. I fled to the South of England as soon as I could. I felt safe around the people who hailed from far away lands that became my friends. Japan,  Kashmir, Iran, Syria, Sudan, India, the West Indies; men and women alike. I felt harbored by them. I could feel without even investigating it that they didn’t have mental asylums quite like we have, that they haven’t drowned and burned as many “witches” quite like we have, wherever it was they came from. They had brought with them sun and light and spices and silks and color and food. Joviality and etiquette and culture.

I would  visit “home” from time to time and feel dread in the pit of my stomach. I realize now that by coming to live in rural, traditional Japan, a place stuck in time, I’ve been trying to find Wales.

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9 thoughts on “Bradwr

  1. I love faeries. I had a dream that I was a faery woman with glowing light green eyes with no pupil and no whites, powdery white moth wings, blonde hair and silvery, glittery skin.

  2. Your articles are just very good, interesting and so to the point.

    Did you know that the brits also made a lot of irish “slaves” and brought them to the Americas? Please google! That is another story never told! It was during the big “hunger-time” in Ireland, when all the potatoes got rotten and no food was available. Instead of helping the Irish people, british soldiers took them on boats to America and probably lied to them about a good future. After arrival, they sold them into slavery like the african slaves.

    Another untold story. As there are trillions……. All of them are “forgotten” by the news and filmmakers. Never written about and never filmed about by the male global “heroes”, ……..who can only rule by lies, terror, violence and injustice.

    But of course they are innocent, really, as they never seem to remember what horror they did, just a few decades ago. That’s why they are repeating them.

    What exactly they want to win by killing so many lives I just don’t know…. Do you?

    • Hi Yvonne, I’m glad you enjoy my articles. Mary Daly once thought she might be a “cognitive minority of one” – she really felt sometimes that she was swimming upstream on a raft alone. So my commenters let me know that if there’s even just a couple of women out there who think and feels like me, then it makes things a little bit better.

      Well to answer your question , I think Solanas’s SCUM manifesto is quite helpful. Men are basically islands with an inability to connect. During the Second World War in Japan the kamikaze pilots were mainly 16 year old boys, who would be sent to fight the Americans in a plane with half a tank- without enough gas to return. It was very noticeable to me that men hate boys and younger men, not as much as women of course, but still very viscerally . It’s because biologically everyone is a man’s enemy. Well women actually aren’t his enemy , but he hates us because he understands his insignificance. He gets a primal shock, as a little boy, when he realizes he will never have a baby in his tummy. So he also looks upon women as his enemies.
      Dworkin and Millet pointed out that heterosexuality is men’s way of protecting themselves from the violence of other men . They channel it into women. Men are terrified of each other – they know what they are- so they strike a deal with each other in “civilized ” society . Men agree that they will do it to women , that they will kill and fuck women instead of each other .
      Men need to get rid of all the other Ys so that THEIR Y can be passed down the generations. So literally, all other males are their enemies. This makes me see why men are so quick to cause genocide . They want , not just their oldest enemy, women , gone, but all other men gone too.
      I’ll never forget that the Japanese sent all their young teen boys to be killed and protected the men in their 20s, 30s and 40s.
      Men at ultimately very hierarchical . Well we know this just by looking at patriarchy- the system they themselves created. Men are terrified of being usurped and taken over by their sons. Remember that king in the bible who wanted all the newborn boys killed. That is 100% believable and in keeping with male behavior .

  3. Dear cherryblossomlife

    All you say just makes so much sense. I agree with all you say. My question is only how to survive and stay sane in this insane, necrophilic, hierarchical male world. — They also split body, soul and spirit, (fragment) humanity and try to make everything mechanical, technical and digital, probably in the hope to swap our beautiful nature into a machine, they can control. Control of humans , animals and life itself seems to be the hidden goal. For that they are willing to wipe out all living things, even the planet itself. It’s not every man, I know, (as you say, specially boys and young men are still sane, somehow…..) but its their necrophilic system of death!

    How do you survive in this horror?

    love Yvonne

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